Aim High
After eight long years of incessant nagging…wait. I mean, after some gentle encouragement by my perfect wife, I went to the doc today for a physical. Why my exit physical when I left the Air Force back in ’91 wasn’t good enough, I have no idea. But I went, got fiddled with, poked (not the big poke), and bled. Now we wait. And we bet.
I’m sure everything’s fine, or at least the same as it has been for years: I need to lose weight, exercise more, my heart has a weird beat (it’s the Chh – ch-ch! Uhn! Chh – ch-ch! Uhn! beat from “In the Summertime� by Mungo Jerry), and my cholesterol is stupid high.
That’s where we wager.
Will my cholesterol be 250? Sounds too low to me, but I did eat some oatmeal once. Cheerios®, too. It says on the box, “Cheerios can’t hold a spoon to Cocoa Pebbles®, but they lower your cholesterol.� So, maybe it is 250 or lower.
But 285 is more realistic. Not 275 – that merely elicits an “oooh – kind of high,� response. 285 is more of an “Ouch…but yeah, I can see that,� response. I’ve eaten a helluva lot of pork ribs over the last month. You have to eat a lot of Cheerios (think Colon Blow) to get rid of all that pork fat.
Hold your bets - There are more variables. Last Friday, Sara and I tried the new O’Dowd’s Little Dublin in Zona Rosa. It’s brilliant. They pour a proper pint, and we had these beefy mustardy creamy stuff on little bread thingies. Very rich. And, of course, I had fish and chips. Excellent fish and chips. Well, the chips could be better, but they were good. The fish is great, though. Fresh battered and very fried. Could that put me up to 290? Maybe. Irish cholesterol is my favorite.
And then there’s the gas station chicken. And the Jif® Extra Crunchy/butter/Cheez Its® wrapped in a flour tortilla I had the other day. I recommend it. Could it put me over the three-century mark? We’ll know next week. Place your bets now.
Comments
My bet is 250. You've been getting a lot of exercise on the polychloridebonz or whatever the heck they are. Plus, you probably have to fight Millie for them in the first place. Just as good as a treadmill I say. But I would have to say that, wouldn't I? Seeing as how that is the motto of the the secret club I belong to. It's sacred function cannot be revealed to those outside of the "brethren", but I feel that the words "Rumba", "Spreading" and "Hub" might well indicate to the sophisticated reader the nature of the organization.
Posted by: Doc | October 23, 2005 12:07 AM
Sweetie I've known you and your eating habits for about half my life. If you lower your cholesterol at all, all your bodily functions will go into withdrawal shock and shut down immediately. All good people of Celtic heritage die the way a real man should...massive coronaries at a ripe old age. Keep up the good work! SMOOCH!
Posted by: Tracey | October 25, 2005 9:47 PM
Doc: I would not rumba in an organization that would have you as a member. But John has a long mustache. bababooie bababooie bababooie
Trac: Ripe - yes. Old - debatable.
Posted by: Pat | October 28, 2005 8:31 AM