Gremlin Grill

Brisket killed us. Why? Because brisket is crap. Except chicken (more on the chicken incident later), all the KCBS cuts of meat are junk ­ pork ribs, pork shoulder and brisket. Until they became trendy, they were cuts no one wanted. They were cuts given to peasants after the bourgeoisie took the good stuff (snout). But the pork shoulder and ribs are delish. Brisket is crap.

Ok, blaming the cut of meat instead of the fact that we just didn't cook it right is stupid. I don't care. I don't like barbecued brisket. I like corned beef brisket (By the way, best Rueben on the planet: Belgian Village Inn in Moline, Illinois). But I don't care who smokes it, I don't like barbecued brisket. But apparently I'm in the minority, because most people love it. Compared to pork, I hate it. And at the American Royal, ours sucked. A lot.

The big problem was that it was undercooked. That's our fault for not watching the temperature closer. But even when we do it perfectly, nudging up towards 185 degrees, with neither too much nor too little smoke, so it slices perfectly, juicy and tender, it'd still taste like what it is: the worst part of the cow. And the leathery briskets we cooked at the Royal? Worse than the worst part of the cow.

But I'm going to salvage them. Salvaging a chunk of screwed up contest meat just takes time, alchemy and a little bit of love. But because I'm not sure what alchemy means, and I don't love brisket...at all...I'm just going to toss them in a big ass foil pan with some squeeze butter, a dash of sauce and some pineapple juice, and I'll cook them low and slow until they're edible. But, beyond the one bite I'll try to make sure they aren't horrible, I ain't eating them.

More on the "bad idea" and the chicken debacle later. I have ribs on.