Gremlin Grill

They’re relatively cheap. Again, not worth discussing. Cheap is good, but I don’t want to focus on that. That’s information that I needed 10 years ago, not now. Someone should have told me back when I was living on potatoes, ramen, coffee, beer and Jif® Extra Crunchy that I could get two cans of pintos in “chili� sauce for a buck. Drop some of that peanut butter in there and that’s a damn good meal. No one told me how cheap beans were when I needed it, and I didn’t notice because I wasn’t thinking straight, probably because my brain was in starch overload and starving for whatever vitamin improves common sense.

What makes beans the perfect food is two-fold. First, the obvious. They’re entertaining. I don’t care what anyone says, farts are funny. Studies show that the more you toot, the better you feel. Great volumes have been written on farting, though, so I’ll move on to the second fold of the two-fold reason beans are the perfect food.

Forget the chili (I put beans in my chili – Texans, bite me.)(I also put celery in my chili – Brett, bite me.), forget the refried pintos, forget red beans and rice, forget that beautiful bean footage. This is why beans are the perfect food:

Bean Pie
2 cups cooked navy beans
4 eggs
1 14 oz can evaporated milk
1 stick butter
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons flour
2 cups sugar 2 tablespoons vanilla

Cook beans until soft. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
In electric blender, blend beans, butter, milk, eggs, nutmeg and flour about 2 minutes on medium speed. Pour mixture into a large mixing bowl. Add sugar and vanilla. Mix well. Pour into pie shells. Bake about one hour or until it’s done.

Sara and I sampled bean pie at the Farmer’s Market in KC’s downtown City Market years ago. A local mosque had a little table where they were selling traditional Muslim and soul food baked goodies that were drool-inducing. We tried the bean pie. It reminded me of pumpkin or sweet potato pie, but better. Richer, more dense, and the sweetness tempered just right. Sara said, “This…this was baked by a grandma.� The guy in the nice bowtie confirmed her suspicions and we took home a pie, some cookies, and who knows what else.

But it was the bean pie that made a lasting impression. It’s as rich and sweet and comforting as any comfort food anyone ever made, ever ever ever. And it’s made from beans.