Gremlin Grill

And I’m rarely good in the middle, either. I mean, there’s usually nothing unique about my averageness. Near as I can tell, my 389 triglycerides are high, but not so high as to freak anyone out. It’s just normal high. Regular high. Average high. If it was, say 635, now that’d be somethin’. It’d raise eyebrows. Instead, I got 389, a number worthy only of the response, “Here’s a prescription. Get more exercise. Lose 20 pounds. Don’t drink so much beer and try to cut back on the fat.� I’d get the same response with 205 or 399 or 248 or whatever. Big deal.

You’ll notice that our bbq team scores are usually average. Somewhere in the middle of the pack. There are exceptions, of course, but for the most part, we’re also rans. Not special also rans, either. Just another team whose name gets read about once a contest. And it’s my fault, because I’m so mediocre at being average.

Even when I excel or more often, excel at failure, I’m not particularly good at it. I was an average below average student through high school. Not barely a D student or barely passing, just a D student. Not dead in the middle of the D’s, either – that might be interesting. I was just above a middle D, just below a high D. yawn.

So, there ya go. 389. I’ll lose 18 pounds. I’m trying for 20, but that’s a good number, so I won’t make it. People hear you lost 20 pounds, they show some enthusiasm for you. Eighteen gets a “Good job. How much more you going for?� I’ll eat oatmeal. I don’t mind oatmeal, but cripes – I built my life around Apple Jacks®. And I won’t eat any more barbecue. Ok, that’s a lie. I’ll just take the pills.