If you want blood, you got it.
This we know: cheap knives suck. This we now know: good knives, like the Henckle’s steak knives we have at home, don’t suck. They’re well-balanced, sharp, and they’re one solid forged piece – no riveted handle. That makes them heavy – a good weight for cutting a steak, and an excellent weight for dropping. Into my foot.
I was loading the dishwasher at, oh, about 6 am Friday morning, and a steak knife got away from me. I saw it falling. It was like when Gollum was falling into the lava with the ring. Except instead of a weird little guy falling into lava, it was a very sharp and heavy steak knife falling into my foot. And Gollum didn’t bleed. I bled. It went into my foot maybe a quarter inch, tops, and the cut was only about a quarter inch long, too. But that was enough so it was sticking straight up out of my foot. I cussed, jerked my foot instinctively. The knife fell out and the blood was right behind it.
It would have been really cool if it didn’t hurt. Specifically, it’d been cool if it didn’t hurt because it was in someone else’s foot. Like Cher’s foot. It’d have been funny if it was stabbed into Cher’s foot. I don’t like Cher. I’ll bet if her foot got stabbed by a steak knife, greasy soot would spray out. But that doesn’t matter because it was my foot and I was bleeding and somewhere, Cher was probably sleeping soundly, thinking about how utterly without talent she really is.
I digress.
We’re not keeping the carpet in the kitchen anyway, so it’s not a huge deal that Sara couldn’t get all the blood stains out. And the knife is plenty clean now. In fact, we used it on kebabs Saturday night. It was mystery knife night. Who has the knife that was covered with foot blood? It was like a lottery, only with a bloody knife. Haven’t had a winner in that power ball since OJ dumped a garbage bag in an LAX trash can. Also, the beef kebabs, with simple Montreal seasoning and some lovely Maytag blue cheese were better than the chicken kebabs, which had a fancy glaze I made with crushed pineapple, brown sugar, cayenne and I don’t remember what else. When in doubt, go with Maytag.
Anyway, my foot should be healed by the 4th, so’s I can get in the lake. There ya go.