Gremlin Grill

I should, in the interest of fair play, point out again that I loathe the St. Louis Cardinals. I was born a Cubs fan, and adopted the Royals in 1987 (yes, after the Series win, but also after they started their present two decade slide). So, no, I’m not going to be unbiased. Screw the Cardinals.

Nice park though. Here’s a forced good and an easy bad:

It's very clean – except for the chewed old Haagen Dazs stick on the ledge in front of my seat. The stick isn’t the problem, it’s the brand. Haagen Dazs? At a baseball game? No, no, no. Frosty Malts belong at ball games. Haagen Dazs is a sure sign of a fan base and franchise that fancy themselves more upper-crust than the average bleacher bum. That ain’t baseball.

The park has excellent site-lines – except for all the Cardinals fans. Ok, it’s a great place to watch a game, I admit that. But truth be told, there weren’t nearly as many Cards fans out as I expected. Yes, it was a Thursday, but I’m sorry – if your team is a game and a half in the division lead, with four games left in the regular season, you better get your ass out there and support them. If not for the baseball, go for the Haagen Dazs.

The fries were good. Crinkle cut. Crispy outside, fluffy inside. Like me. And the pulled pork sandwich didn’t suck. It’s what I’d expect for pork at Busch Stadium. Mushy, not smoked, loads of sauce, but still – it was real pork butt. In their defense, I’d expect the same from pretty much every ballpark in MLB, except maybe the Texas parks, and I hear Boog Powell does well in Baltimore. And, of course, Kaufmann Stadium.

The beer, as I mentioned, was cold and fresh. A few miles from the brewery, yeah, it oughta be. But the stadium Jumbo dog? No good. And that’s unacceptable. People, this is baseball. You need a big ass, meaty hot dog. Juicy. Salty. Not kind of griddle-scorched and bored. Unflavored gelatin has more personality than these. I’ll even tolerate cold, but not dry and tasteless. And that takes work. It’s a hot dog; it’s made from the tastiest nasty bits that won’t do in your grocer’s meat case. It’s hard to suck the flavor out of that stuff. Yet, they found a way in St. Louis.

The staff at the park was wonderful. Seriously. The service was outstanding and friendly. But overall, it’s a good park, not a great park. It sure as Hell isn’t “baseball heaven,� as they proclaim on their light boards. And here I thought the Republican Party’s blasphemous self-proclaimed “Party of God� bellowing was a line of crap. I got news for you, Cards: if there is a “baseball heaven,� it’s less plastic than the new Busch Stadium.

Let’s go ahead and declare it: the “old time ballpark� has been done. Busch Stadium tries to accomplish what the Ballpark in Arlington did in Texas, and Camden Yards did in Baltimore – capture that classic ball park feel. But those parks made old new first, and Busch Stadium tries too hard to be old. And Baseball Heaven is in Chicago and/or Boston. Duh.

OK, wait: as company meetings go, I highly recommend holding yours at the new Busch Stadium in St. Louis. I had a great time. And the Brewers won.