So, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?
It’s American Royal time. If you’re looking for us, call Arrowhead, because we’re done with the Royal.
For the past dozen years, this has been a vicious week for us. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars spent at HyVee and at the shops down on the City Market. We’d gather many, many beers. Frito-Lay made their quarterly numbers on the chips we’d buy.
We’d scrub coolers and cookers after work, stay up late mixing rubs, and get up early to start chopping this and cooking that. It was our version of “Hell week,” only instead of vomiting frat boys pretending their secrets were worth keeping, we had Brett and Kent, and if we had any secrets, John Madden published them years ago.
That was then, this is now. And now sucks. The American Royal BBQ moved back a day. No more Thursday/Friday Invitational, Friday/Saturday Open. It’s Friday/Saturday and Saturday/Sunday now. Why did they change it after a successful quarter century? Well, like many barbecue teams, the American Royal saw dollar signs and decided they needed some. Like many barbecue teams, the American Royal BBQ pissed away tradition for a payday. Nice.
In their defense, the Royal is a charity. They need more money, and have to keep looking for ways to make more. They’ve always had a smallish crowd on Thursday night, 50k or so people Friday night, and another smallish crowd on Saturday. They think by moving it, they’ll get that big crowd on both Friday and Saturday nights.
I think they’re wrong.
Anyone who’s been to an American Royal BBQ Friday night will tell you: two nights of that in a row? No, thank you. It’s a fun, insane, messy, sloppy, slightly dangerous, generally delicious party worth parking in Kansas for. But not twice. Few who come out Friday night will come again Saturday. Even if they’re not hung over, they won’t want to deal with it again (especially with Mizzou-Nebraska is on ESPN).
And there are a finite number of people who will come out at all. Arrogance is a common trait among entertainment events like this. They think the entire region loves them so much that no matter how they smack us, we’ll take it with a smile and ask for another. The American Royal, ego apparentlly inflated by appearances on morning talk shows and Food TV, apparently believes that everyone everywhere wants more more more of their product and will do anything and tolerate anything to get it.
I think they’re wrong. Most people who will come to that smoky riot already do. So the idea that moving the party to two nights (Friday and Saturday) will bring 50k people both nights is silly. There aren’t 100k people who want to go at all, let alone two nights in a row.
What pisses me off the most, though, is that apparently the America Royal could give a rat’s ass about what their entertainers want. I’m not talking about the bands or the fireworks carneys. I’m talking about the reason for the event: the barbecue teams. To attract big crowds two nights in a row, the barbecue teams have to be there both nights. Sorry, but no. We haven’t the money nor the energy to be your paying (not paid) act two nights in a row.
They say they asked some teams about the change, and I’m sure they did. But who did they ask? Did they ask corporate people if they’d have those big ass tent parties going two nights in a row? They couldn’t have, because corporations can’t afford two nights any more than we can.
Did they ask teams who make a living at barbecue? Did the industry come first? Teams with bbq products and restaurants use the weekend to promote their business. It’s a business event for them – this is what they do. They don’t make up the majority of the teams at the American Royal. We do. Or rather, we did.
So the Royal is going for extra dollars, counting on ideas from people who likely haven’t competed in the contest for years, if at all, and from corporate suits who are thinking like the front-office hacks they are instead of like barbecue contest organizers. Focused on revenues to the point of blindness, I think they’re making these changes without accurate research or consideration to the teams that made the damn thing what it is.
We cooked the Royal for 12 years. Alas, the American Royal barbecue doesn’t need the family bbq team anymore. A thousand bucks from us for a 13th straight year doesn’t mean shit to an organization that covets corporate parties, industry hacks, and TV time. So...so long.
And when I awoke I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good, Norwegian wood?