Six degrees of freakin' delicious
I don’t bake. It’s not the same as barbecuing or grilling or roasting or making chili or pouring a big ass bowl of Crunch Berries or singing “Wichita Lineman” while stuck in traffic southbound on the Broadway Bridge. No, it’s not like that at all. Baking is chemistry, and I suck at chemistry. And I suck at baking. But I baked.
Cookies!
These aren’t what you think they are. You think you’re so smart. These aren’t chocolate chip cookies. And they sure as hell aren’t Toll House cookies. Toll House and chocolate chip are the same, you say? Well, I know this: the tollhouse is where the guy sits on the Kansas Turnpike and takes our money when we go to the drag races in Topeka, so shut up. I don’t like Toll Houses and I don’t like Kansas. Know what I like? I like bacon!
That’s right, these are bacon cookies. And that's right, we do have a lovely dining room table. But focus, please. Remember what I said about curry last month? Forget it. The sausage/pudding question? Nope. I was nuts. I was outta my head, I was outta my mind, how could I have ever been so blind, I was lookin’ for an indication, it was hard to find. Huh?
Anyway, curry’s out, puddings are out, bacon is in. Bacon Bacon Bacon. It’s the year of the bacon. It’s spring training for bacon season. The first pitch was bacon cookies, and I hit a triple. Not quite a homerun, but a solid triple. It’ll be easy to bring home.
The concept isn’t original. Brown sugar and bacon is old hat. What the hell does “old hat” mean? Anyway, Google bacon cookies and lots will come up. And the greatest appetizer junk food in the modern history of appetizer junk (hummus wins for all history) is bacon-wrapped little smokies topped with a buttload of brown sugar and baked at 350 until you can’t wait anymore. So brown sugar and bacon ain’t new. But I made it easy:
Take your favorite chocolate chip cookie recipe and substitute cooked & crumbled bacon for the chocolate chips. I used Farmland brand Honey and Maple bacon. Smoky bacon probably won’t be as good. But you try it and let me know. I wouldn’t use cheap bacon, either. Too salty. Use Farmland Honey and Maple. If you can’t get it, move to where you can.
Bacon Rocks
So I baked the bacon cookies, chemistry be damned, and it worked. I love ‘em. Sara said she didn’t dislike the taste, but it was a “little weird,” no surprise there, and that the texture of the bacon reminded her too much of raisins. She’s not a big raisin fan. Old dead grapes. So she thought they were OK, and the verdict at work was the same: not bad at all. One person didn’t like them, one person besides me loved them. I’ll make them again. You should try it. Don’t argue with me. I’m tired of your attitude.
This weekend, by popular demand, I’ll try bacon peanut butter cookies. And bacon popcorn. I’ll let you know how they come out. And soon, I’ll stop farting around and barbecue again. I got ideas. Ideas that may or may not involve bacon.